When was the last time someone was talking to you and at some point during the conversation you realized that you had completely zoned out and literally had no idea what they just said?
How about the last time you were the one talking and after you finished there was a brief silence followed by that person saying…”that’s crazy”, “yup, definitely” or something similar?
In both cases one thing is clear – neither you nor the person talking to you is listening in an effective way. While this isn’t news to any of you as it happens all the time, what might be new to you is that this type of listening has a name – or better yet, a level.
Listening to others can be categorized into 3 levels and understanding them can help you become a lot more aware of what’s going on during your next conversation.
Level 1 – the person is focused on their own thoughts or response
Level 2 – the person is focused intently on the other person’s words
Level 3 – the person is focused on the other person’s words as well as their body language, energy, etc.
A majority of us spend a majority of our time in level 1 – either focused on how we can respond to what we think we are hearing or trying to multitask a bunch of other things during the ‘conversation’. I notice this in all areas of my life but especially in online or phone meetings at work.
Listening at level 2 is much more effective but the real magic happens at level 3. We’ve all walked into a room after an argument has taken place and felt the awkwardness in the air. How many times have you asked a friend or significant other ‘what’s wrong?’ and their response; ‘nothing’, clearly couldn’t be any further from the truth?
When you notice these things, you are listening in level 3. This is where the best coaches, leaders, parents, husbands, wives – really the best people put their focus during conversations.
The action for you on this is to simply focus on being aware during your next couple conversations. Try to notice when you’re in level 1 and transition over to level 2.
The next time you are in a conversation try to read between the lines. What is that person actually communicating to you – whether it be through words or something else? With time it gets easier but, for right now, just focus on being aware.
